Eating Disorder Witch Hunt
The therapists said “they want you to say what you need” “they want you to be here and alive”
They don’t
They don’t want me to take up space. They don’t want me to need things.
I didn’t make this up! Do you think all of us are making this up?! Do you realize how dumb that sounds?
They didn’t really get it. “Trust the doctors” bull shit– it’s just another way to control us.
And that’s why we didn’t get better. That’s why symptoms just morph into something else and we all relapse in many different ways. Because you never solved the problem. You just lied to us.
Yeah the world wants you to be thin and that’s not ok. Yeah you’re using food to numb your feelings. And you don’t need to do that.
Ok then what?…
We get bigger and we feel our feelings and we go back into a world that wants neither for us, with nothing more than a big thumbs up from you– who shamed us out of our one thing that was keeping us safe.
I know it was also killing us. But This is too. You’re missing the point. Life was set up to kill us. We are just beating you there first. You can’t fire me, I quit. We knew we were never wanted. We were told it in a million ways from the very beginning.
We knew that our jobs were to stay small and quiet and out of the way. And now you’re mad at us for it. It doesn’t make any sense.
You just don’t want to be found out. Oh too far. You know you must be crazy. Why on earth would you deprive yourself. Um because we care and we are listening and paying attention.
This is the pattern. When women know, we either suppress it down far enough or we act on it. Eating disorders are actions speaking that there is something wrong here. We say it’s personal. Maybe nothing really is.
When women see, they are killed. They are tortured. We hear the stories. Gang rape is the same as a witch hunt. Keep the women from power. Who does she think she is flaunting herself around like that? She needs to be put in her place. These are the only stories we hear. Women stepping out and getting knocked back down. So we hide and we think we are weak. And we don’t go out when it’s dark and we don’t go after promotions and we don’t eat food.
Disappearing is our only defense.
We can’t beat you in a fight. We have only been told a million times about the stupid women who tried.
