I give up

I give up

I give up being held back

I give up tensing every muscle all day

I give up being tired

I give up being afraid

I give up worrying

I give up planning

For everything to go wrong

I give up that feeling of churning in my stomach

I give up acid reflux

I give up rules

I give up schedules

I give up telling myself I’m not good enough every day

I give up my dreams

Because I know they’ll come back to me

What is meant for me will find me

I give up stealing

And hoarding

And saving for later

As if I want a future of lack that depends on me being perfect now

I give up waiting

For something better to come along

I give up thinking nothing better will come along

I give up screaming only on the inside

I give up picking the perfect times on the microwave for max food heating/time efficiency

I give up turning off the lights when I leave a room

I give up burning the most calories

I give up the perfect workout routine

I give up optimal protein intake

I give up scheduled grocery shopping

And morning routines

And lean into maybe chaos is beautiful and perfect too

Maybe there’s fractals in my life

When I’m left to my most natural state

It all turns out even better and more mathematical than I could’ve ever created 

Maybe I have everything to give

When I am unleashed

When I really let go

And let everything run crazy

Maybe I’m not a fuck-up

Maybe I am perfect already

Maybe I’m more beautiful than even I could imagine in all my romanticized daydreams

Maybe there is nothing to fight

Maybe I’m the only one holding me back

Maybe it’s all mine for the holding