Unacceptable

Visions of creating liberated families and communities

I am open to changing the world

Through my little community 

One of us at a time

Not that I’m changing people but that we are just together in the change

Everything builds on each other

Isolated silos shared experiences

All of us having the same fights and frustrations

None of us able to cope 

Not above water enough to look for answers

It’s making me sick with rage

Unacceptable 

This is not the world we want for our kids

These are not the parents we want to be 

These are not the marriages we thought we signed on for

These are not the memories we thought we’d be making

It was supposed to be an idyllic ride into the sunset

Yay weddings and babies and we were going to be different

We know what not to do

We watched our parents and grandparents very closely 

We were taught enough to talk in therapy about all the bad stuff 

But we were not taught how to solve it, heal it, grow something new instead

So we’re spinning around in circles confused, how did we end up here again

Why are we still talking about this

Why don’t you ever just hear me

Why don’t you get it

Why can’t I figure this out

Why can’t I be calm enough, patient enough, perfect enough 

To fix him, her, them, the situation. 

I’m done closing my eyes and pretending that we’re all fine

We are drowning

We are trying to pull it together

We are trying to do all the things!!!

We are reading the books and listening to the podcasts and paying for the courses and going to the fucking therapy and here we are

You think you’re making progress, and realize it was an illusion

Do things ever change? 

Ok so not therapy, now let’s try more holistic modalities

Also you have to do this gut-health cleanse protocol too 

Bring your body back online

Ok so now we are really aware of how shitty we are feeling. Thank you. 

You still didn’t give us a solution. 

If they had one, they would. 

It doesn’t exist yet. At least wide-spread. 

I believe people out there are experiencing change and healing and tackling these issues. 

It’s just not over here in our corner of the world or internet yet. 

But I have hope that it will reach us.
AND we will simultaneously create it for ourselves. 

I’m speaking it into existence right now.
We know a solution exists. We know it so clearly because otherwise we would’ve given up. 

We know we deserve better. We know this doesn’t make sense. We know that we are so close to striking gold even though we are exhausted and empty and so filled with dread/rage/fear/panic that we can’t think of ever feeling truly calm again. The fire is always around the corner. 

We are now creating marriages that are partnerships. Maybe we don’t call them marriages anymore. Maybe we give everyone permission to leave. Not to leave the children but to leave the rules and expectations and we all fall apart for a while but then things fall into a new place that is purer and more intentional than the husband/wife script, mangled over the centuries, that was tattooed on our cells. 

We are now creating parent-child relationships that are nurturing and expansive for everyone. Where everyone’s needs are met. Everyone is fed. Everyone gets rest. Everyone follows their passions. Everyone is filled up with love. We the parents supply it all– the kids are not responsible for our wellbeing– but we are not left behind. We do not leave ourselves behind anymore. And somehow all of this works. 

We are now creating households that say fuck you to the rules of how clean or regularly chores are done or paint colors on the walls and we allow ourselves to organically grow systems that start from the people using them. Instead of punishing us for not being some textbook version of germophobic personal chef robots. 

We let each other be who each of us is. We get excited when we see new parts emerge and new expressions flourish. 

We go slow because the world is not built for this and it’s not our responsibility to fix the brokenness. We are only responsible for ourselves and our children. (Not even our partners). 

We are so deeply saturated with community that we don’t have to bend ourselves into knots to keep them around for fear of being financially destitute. We know the net is there to catch us if we need to bail. 

Maybe this is a dream everyone has had forever. Is Eden too much to ask for? Isn’t it our birthright? Abundance and thriving. It’s all nature knows how to do. 

I’m going to be naive and audacious enough to dream it. 

I do not tolerate subpar settling what-can-you-do bullshit anymore. 

I am not dying for those lies anymore. 

You almost got me. I sold my soul for a long time. 

But 30 years is enough. Thank you very much.